The Daleks are back
Linux Darkstar, London August 4th, 2004
Thank goodness the Daleks are going to be in the new series of Doctor Who. It was beginning to look
like they weren't going to be in it and that we would have to make do with a mixture of new monsters and
the Cybermen. Well, the Cybermen are fucking shit, and any new monsters are probably going to be shit as well.
This should hopefully ensure that the new series will actually be worth watching, as the Daleks are probably the
best thing about the whole doctor who experience. If they want the next series to be a success, all they need
to do is take into account all of the best things and leave out the worst as follows:
The best things about Doctor Who
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The Daleks.
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Tom Baker's long scarf.
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The bit in the middle of the Tardis that goes up and down.
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Davros's withered hand hovering over a switch on his half-dalek wheelchair thing.
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That posh assistant from the seventies with long dark hair, Romalla or something, who went on to play a posh one in Brookside.
-
djewwwwwwwwww......whirr whirr, diddly dum, de diddly dum - the original radiophonic workshop theme tune.
The worst things about Doctor Who
-
Bonnie Fucking Langford. Her stupid ginger face and hair managed to ruin every episode, even though Sylvester
McCoy was playing the doctor and Kenn Dodd was the villain. I thcreamed and thrceamed until I was thick.
-
Any episodes set on Earth, with a Shakespearean, beardy ponce called the Master, as the enemy. A lazy and cheap
story, where they don't even bother to make a space ship out of loo rolls and sellotape.
-
Poncy, hammy, bowl cutted middle class assistants, who say "Oooh Doctor!", like Adric or whatever the fuck he was called.
-
Attempts to modernise it, for example, the introduction of the embarrassingly piss poor assistant "Ace", whose
every contrived utterance made you want to punch her ridiculous face in.
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Any episodes with that stupid fucking car that John Pertwee had and the "Brigadier".
-
The theme tune after they remixed it and ruined it.
