Well done us - we're having the Olympics at last. The Americans had the cheek to bid for it, even though they've had it twice in the last twenty-one years. It was however, always going to be between us and Paris.
Chirac has probably done more for our bid than he realises. By being a bit of a twat, he has demonstrated that his attitude is perhaps not suitable for a country that will play host to a world sporting event. He made a joke about British food other day, and while French cooking is undoubtedly the best in the World, he has nothing to do with it and can claim no credit for this. Anyway, what the fuck did the German Chancellor think he was laughing at? Their bland and uninspired pork and cabbage-based cooking is by far the worst and most unimaginitive in Europe. Similarly Putin, who probably thinks that beetroot soup and bread (which you have to queue three days for) is a feast.
Anyway, it's funny because Chirac is going to be so angry at G8 and Blair is going to be more smug than normal. Of course Blair's smug face will deserve to be punched, but in this case I hope he plays it up as much as he can.
At the end of the day, we were always going to win this. This is because Blair is a crafty, marketting type, whose at his best when he's smarmily sweet-talking easily influenced people (whether it's the British Public, the IOC or his own cabinet) into doing what he wants. Meanwhile, Chirac is an old-school pompus arse, who is old-fashioned enough to think that a simple combination of arrogance, a few references to 17th and 18th century art and an almost limitless supply of bribes and prostitutes would be able to compete with Blair's mastery of spin.
So what does this mean? It should encourage young potential sportstars in Britain to really focus on sport, with the aim of taking part in the games in 2012. Let's hope it does. Perhaps we're getting carried away by the euphoria, thinking that this will put an end to our growing timebomb of childhood obesity. After all the Americans have had two olympics in the last two decades and they're still a country full of fat, sofa slouching bastards. Then again, they do tend to rename these things to something like The Dunkin Donut Games, which doesn't really help.
If you have a child between the ages of 9-15, you owe it to Britain to get down to JJB, or the market if you prefer, and get them a tracksuit and some trainers. Get them out there every night, in the streets, running, or whatever. Push them hard now and you and they will reap the rewards in seven years time. If they practise everyday until 2012, they'll easily be good enough. After all, that's all the Chinese are doing, there's no special talent required. Look at Steve Redgrave - he spent every day of his life rowing and he won five golds! So it works.
Kids - don't worry about your exams, they're easy and you're all guaranteed to get an A these days anyway. Besides, there's no money in exams. You're much better off being in the Olympics, and getting yourself a nice sponsorship deal with a sports drink. Get out there and throw things, jump over stuff and most of all, run. Just keep practising and you'll get good, it's as simple as that (except in rare cases like Eddie "The Arsehole" Edwards).
I'm about to do my bit by going to the pub to practise for when I will be watching you in 2012 when you go for gold on a giant projector screen. In the pub.