What the bloody hell was Craig David James doing? One minute he's on the half-way line, the next he's fumbling a speculative shot that should never have worried an international keeper. The first one, he got away with, but then how the hell did that crap shot go underneath him? Unbelievable. The worrying thing is though, there are no other English goalkeepers ready to step into his place. To us, it looked like James was more bothered about how his stupid little beard looked after the awkward and clumsy fall he executed instead of getting his body behind the ball.
The problem is that the players are so thick, that they believe the crap their scummy agents sell them. I suppose it's too much to ask to expect a bunch of educationally sub-normal retards to understand what professionalism is all about when they're being paid about two years salary every week. Think of the poor bastards on ten grand a year who spent their time, money and effort going to Austria to watch the game only for the bunch of overpaid, spoilt, prima-donnas to give an insultingly half-arsed attempt at playing the game. Why would they care? They know they're going back to a five-star hotel, whatever the result. Look at what has happenned to all the preening, poncy teams of overpaid superstars whenever they've been asked to come up with the goods recently. In the last World Cup and Euro 2004, the French and Italians, after pitiful displays of underachievement, both went home early. Meanwhile hardworking teams who played as a unit and wanted to win began to rise to the top. Turkey, Greece, South Korea and Japan.
Some of our players still care: Gerrard, Rooney and some of the less capped players still have that hunger, but to us it just looks like the rest of them are doing the sporting equivalent of the Royal Variety performance, or Elvis's piss-poor, just for the money Vegas shows. I imagine that the acid test would be if you went in to the dressing rooms and you would find that the Austrian side would smell of ralgex and sweat, whereas ours would be a pungeant cocktail of designer perfumes. I wouldn't be surprised if the England players each have a mirror surrounded by bulbs and their own makeup artistes.
David James: More concerned about how he looks. Thinks he's Craig David, but Craig David would have probably kept a clean sheet. 1/10
Gary Neville: He's pretty solid, like Kenny Sansom. He should grow a moustache and get a perm. 6/10
Ledley King: He's looking good so far. 7/10
John Terry: A good job done. Will probably lose out when the thick, ugly, but nevertheless very good, Ferdinand returns. 7/10
Ashley Cole: Had a decidedly dodgy period, but has matured well and is started to look pretty good. 7/10
David Beckham: Needs to be dropped, then maybe he might get back some of that spark that made him seem so indispensible for England. Has become a bit of a liability. He's slow, doesn't hold the ball well and his one-trick is a long looping pass. His insistence on taking every corner is not helping either. These days, he seems more interested in his sponsorship deals and product endorsements. 3/10
Wayne Bridge: He's left-footed, that's about it. Was never very far from average. 4/10
Steven Gerrard: As usual, he played well and looked like he actually cared. If only we had another ten. A mix-up meant our only player who could have won the game was substituted. 9/10
Frank Lampard: Good in places, but gave away the vital free kick, which is usually Sol Campbell's job. 5/10
Alan Smith: We're still not sure about him. Fluffed a sitter, but played well in support and held the ball well enough. 5/10
Michael Owen: He's only had one decent game for England since the 5-1 win in Munich. He's looking like the money he's earning now means he no longer really cares as much as he used to. 5/10
Jamie Carragher: Played okay, but should not have come on in the first place, as Gerrard should have stayed on. As a side note, if you call yourself "Jamie", it means you're a ponce. 6/10
Jermain Defoe: By the time he came on, the home side were all behind the ball. He did well to hit the post, which is more than we'd managed in the previous 80 minutes. 6/10
Joe Cole: Looked rubbish, although a lot less spotty than he used to, and didn't get going. 5/10