What was the name of that stupid nutcase with the moustache they kicked out of the Labour party. He was filmed having a snog with Saddam Hussein, and squeezing his arse. George Galloway, that was him. Last time he was on telly, it was just after the Iraq War kicked off and he appeared to have turned from a miserable jock into an Iraqi.
Now Jack Straw has been seen shaking hands with Robert Mugabe, and the Tories, who have no ideas of their own are making a big fuss about it. Shadow foreign secretary Michael Ancram has called it disgusting. "If I'd been there, I would have snubbed him, not shaken him warmly by the hand. It sends out the wrong signals and tells Mugabe that Britain supports him. It says the British Government loves him and wants to go out with him". Little drunken ginger Scottish Liberal Leader Charles Kennedy summed up his feelings with this stinging attack: "Straw and Mugabe up a tree, Kay, eye , double ess, eye , en , gee!".
Straw has hit back claiming that his handshake was a deliberate trick, and his hand had been wiped all round his arse crack before the Zimbabwean leader touched it. "I gave it a good old root round, before offering it to him" the Foreign Secretary explained. "I'm not the only one", he added. "The Nigerian Deputy Prime-Minister stuck his finger up his arse and stirred it in Mugabe's tea and the Australian Foreign Minister stood and had a piss all down the back of Mugabe's trousers while I kept him talking and he didn't even notice", he said, then added "We all had to bite our tongues so as to not piss ourselves laughing. At one point, I caught the eye of the Namibian President and we both had to hold our breath and concentrate really hard not to laugh. I could see that he was about to burst. In the end he feigned a coughing fit and ran away and I bit my lip as hard as I could."