Even the most hardened, gun-waving, retarded, tobacco chewing, yee-haw, pick-up truck driving, good ol' boys must now be beginning to think that perhaps President Bush was not quite as good as they thought and every bit as fucking shit as anybody and everybody with so much as half a brain has been saying for the best part of a decade.
It's time to get the good bits of America back and hopefully Obama is the man to do it. He's come through the toughest presidential race. Although, only in the selection, as he was up against the ruthless Clintons, who looked as though they were never going to give up on what they thought was rightfully theirs. Luckily, this time the votes were counted and the one with the most votes actually won.
That fucking cracked me up that bit in the Democratic selection race where Hilary Clinton came out with all this stuff about coming under sniper fire when she landed in Bosnia in 1996. When she was shown the footage of her being warmly welcomed on the airport tarmac, the sound of birdsong in the air, she was like one of those stupid, brazen schoolchildren who's been caught telling a ridiculous lie. "I forgot", she said. "I probably mis-spoke or something".
Yeah, that's fair enough Hilary, we all forget stuff from time to time and get mixed up. Only the other day, I left the house and couldn't remember if I'd double locked the front door. When I tried to think back to see if I could recall the precise moment I left the house, it's easy to see how I could have imagined myself coming under intense machine gun fire. If I think about it now, I think I remember diving behind the garden wall, crawling along and then giving a quick burst of blind fire as cover, before jumping into next door, and running down the alleyway between the houses. Fucking lucky I got away with only a few semi-fatal bullet wounds really.
She's not the only one. Gordon Brown recently got mixed up between his plan to give the banks all of our money, with no conditions attached, so they can simply waste it all again, with events depicted in the 1980 film Flash Gordon. He only remembered that it was Flash Gordon, a different Gordon, that saved the world, when his understanding colleagues, kindly and gently reminded him of his slip of the tongue by barracking and screaming at him at full volume, and making "Joey Deacon" faces at him for a full twenty minutes.
The actual election was funny as well. It just goes to show how shit the Republicans are. They thought Bush was good. This time, they had only some doddery old grandad, who made Hank Hill look forward thinking. Best of all was when that got that thick hill-billy bird to join him. She was great - she looked pretty hot and she seemed the perfect choice, a masterstroke by McCain. That lasted about, ooh, ten seconds, until the first time she opened her mouth, and her screeching, grating voice came out spewing a torrent of utter, utter bollocks that was embarassingly retarded. She thinks Africa is a country, Russia is next door to her house and has never heard of electricity. In our office, we laughed at her every utterance, although I think our lecherous old goat, Sir Michael Wiggy, was rather taken with her.
The actual election itself was a landslide and everyone is happy, and we have the honeymoon period. Pretty soon, though, the hard work starts for Obama, and for us, trying to think of something to take the piss out of.