Who the hell is this twat anyway?

Alex Pesticidus, London February 17th, 2005

The NME and the other complete idiots in the music press are all so desperate to be able to brag about having discovered the next big thing. The problem is that because they are all so utterly clueless, smug, middle-class tossers, the best that they can do is lazily hedge their bets, and use brute force to try to make any old half-wit with a drink problem into the new Jim Morrison. Their readers are stupid enough to buy whatever they're told, which has resulted in the band having sold almost three dozen copies of their album. These days, this is enough to get you into the top ten albums, not including chill-out compilations.

Doherty has made the front pages of the shit press by going out with the vapid, useless, skinny clotheshorse, Kate Moss. She enjoys superstar status, despite the fact that all she's ever done in her life is be photographed and used in a few adverts for shit perfumes and overpriced clothes, marketted at horse-faced, chinless toffs with far more money than sense. Airheaded Moss would only have decided to go out with Doherty because she read in the NME that he was cool. Her decision to dump him after only three weeks of nauseating tabloid headlines, has less to do with his drunken, drugged up bad behaviour than it has with her simply becoming bored with him because of her miniscule attention span and self-indulgent whimsy.

So what will become of Doherty? In a way, I feel a bit sorry for him because the stupid tossers of the so called music press have put him in a difficult position. His new band is almost certainly not going to be able to live up to the hype, and his status as a hero seems to be based more on his heavy drinking and drug addiction, which is not something which bodes well for a long and successful career. The idiots that have deified him for his worst excesses all have that stupid, immature and misplaced romanticism so typical of petulant, spoilt, middle-class teenage goths. Their morbid fascination with decay means that many of them would probably prefer to see him die from what they mistakenly think is a "romantic" and "heroic" death, such as an overdose of drugs. If he were to clean up his act, they would almost certainly lose interest and denounce him as a "sell out".