Film Articles

A special preview of King Kong remake has been screened for journalists in London. Our drunken film critic Alex Pesticidus had a ticket to the exclusive screening in his had when he left Eclectic House. Find out if he actually made it there in his poorly written excuse for a review. Full Story

Speculation has been mounting over who would be the next has-been ham actor to prop up their failing career with the meal-ticket part of two-dimensional rubbish spy, James Bond. Well the wait is finally over, as today it was announced that is will be virtual nobody Craig somebody or somebody Craig. Whatever. Alex Pesticidus, our lazy, drunk film writer, brings you a report that is as well researched as it is accurate. Full Story

There's nothing more vomit-inducing than Rene Zellweger's stupid fat face trying to do a British accent in yet another shit Richard Curtis scripted film in which Hugh Grant plays himself. Alex Pesticidus has of course not bothered to watch the film, but considers himself perfectly able to review it nevertheless. Full Story

Putting Halle Berry in a leather catsuit might seem like a really good idea on the surface of things, but it simply isn't enough to rescue this turkey. The first mistake the producers made was to give Berry some dialogue, the second mistake was to wheel out an aging Sharon Stone, who at 67 has recently expressed a wish to make a sequel to the mostly awful Basic Instinct. Full Story

The original Stepford Wives was a chilling sci-fi thriller, starring washing-up liquid queen Nanette Newman. The part played by Newman, who is best known for having hands as soft as her face, will be played by Australian actress Nicole Kidman, who by contrast is known to have quite rough hands. This time the film is a comedy, starring Bette Midler who hasn't been in anything decent since "The Rose", playing herself. Eclectic House's Alex Pesticidus does his best to write a piece about this film by reading a couple of articles on the internet and doing his best to remember what happenned in the original, which he watched about fifteen years ago. Full Story

Actor Pierce Brosnan has announced that he will not be reprising his role as the popular secret agent, James Bond. Our drunken excuse for a film critic, Alex Pesticidus, senses a hint of bitterness in Brosnan's comments about his departure from the role. Brosnan, 67, has apparently been in four barely different bond films: "Goldenballs", "Not Another One", "The Same Again" and "Tommorrow is the same as Yesterday" - but will not be appearing in the next film. So who is going to be the next James Bond, the 198th in the unfathomably popular series. Full Story

The latest thing to be turned into a move by lazy and unimaginative Hollywood producers is the popular sixties television series Thunderbirds. Is this the cinematic event for which millions of fans have been waiting, and which will continue the tradition of a really great television programme? Or is going to be the usual case of Hollywood trying to cash in on something they do not understand, by making a totally insulting mockery of the original work? Full Story

As most of the media are pathetically trying to hype up this latest piece of total and utter fucking hogwash, here at Eclectic House, we remain determined not to be caught up in the hype. Instead we do what we usually do, and send our film critic Alex Pesticidus to see the film and intead he spends the money in the pub, then writes his article anyway. Full Story

Fat Michael Moore's controversial new film is breaking UK box office records. Is it an insightful and biting commentary on the Bush Administration, or just fat man stating the bleeding obvious in a prolonged and tedious manner? Here at Eclectic House, we have never thought it necessary to go and watch a film in order to review it, so in true Moore-style, we cobble together our review by simply presenting a few obvious half truths, liberally peppered with opinionated nonsense. Full Story