Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough

Andrew Marbles, London 30th March, 2005

Both of the main parties are finding their line on crime for the next election. They're both watching each other closely to see what they can do to steal an inch or two, but in reality nothing's going to change.

Howard's proposed a new "Border Police", which is supposed to appeal to people who have a fear of immigrants. On the other hand, Tony Blair is proposing that we let everybody in, but that we allow people to be randomly arrested on suspicion, and indefinitely held without trial. If you think about it, this makes Howard's Border guards idea, despite being ridiculous and impractical, sound rather quaint and harmless.

In this country, we're obsessed with the idea that you are either Tory or Labour. Those boundries have merged and disappeared to the point where you really do need to look at every single thing the parties are saying and think about it. It's no good just ignorantly saying that you are one or the other, what the fuck is the point of that? Get a grip. It's also pretty much leader vs leader, but then again you could argue that there's never been such a thing as party politics, and this is just another way of fooling idiots into automatically voting for a name or label.

Most of the headline making stuff may be safely ignored as pre-election vote winning lying. Perhaps in the end, the best thing is to keep things uncertain. Governments with enormous majorities tend quickly to forget themselves and start doing allsorts of unsavoury things, safe in the knowledge that they can get away with it. A close election result, whichever way it goes is going to be the best thing.

Most people are under the illusion that a democracy just is, and that there's no need to be involved or think about things, let alone vote. They forget that democracy is an ongoing dialogue between voters and the elected, and that a tyrant's greatest ally is apathy. Even when people do vote, they do so without any real thought. Most people would just as soon as vote for Nike or Adidas, it's that superficial. For example, Sir Michael Wiggy is staunch Tory because of the (unrequited) love of his life is Nigella Lawson, daughter of former Chancellor Nigel. At one point he almost switched a lifetime's allegiance to Labour for Oona King. Meanwhile, Gilly used to have a thing for Michael "Tarzan" Hestletine, but now her allegiance is firmly switched to New Labour now that she's got the hots for the equally repulsive Alistair Campbell.

In years to come, maybe this will all be sorted and everything will be Utopian. The two main parties certainly seem to be merging into a single all-powerful party, while the only other parties will increasingly be mental nutcases and/or terrorist retards. On the other hand, you could be talking to your grandchild who might ask you something like: "Grandad, what did you do to try and prevent the tyranny under which we now find ourselves living? If I'd have been there, I'd have been in the streets, marching, but of course that's banned now", and "What was it like to be able to vote?". You'd blush and remember full well that while your own Grandparents had gone to war, you'd simply sat on your arse, playing playstation, exchanging ring-tones and watching really shit televsion.